Helping Teens Make Their Own Good Choices

The teen years are huge—so much growing and changing, and suddenly, teens have some big decisions to make. As a parent or caregiver, it’s not your job to make those choices for them. Instead, you get to be their steady support person while they figure out how to decide things for themselves. It’s all about staying open, really listening, and being there with help when they need it.

If you’re caring for a teen who’s been in out-of-home care, this can feel even trickier. These young people have already been through a lot of changes, so trusting adults with big decisions might not come easily. You might be wondering: How do I support them in the ways they’ll actually let me? What does real support look like for someone who’s already had to be so strong? Every teen is different, but what matters most is showing respect, being patient, and letting them set the pace.

Ways to Really Help

  • Make it safe to talk: Let them share what they’re thinking about, what scares them, and what they’re hoping for. Build trust by listening without jumping in to fix things or judge. When they feel like they have a safe person to talk to, they’ll feel more confident making their own choices.
  • Ask questions that help them think: Instead of telling them what to do, ask things like What do you think the good and bad parts might be? or How do you think this might play out down the road? This helps them get better at thinking through problems—a skill they’ll use forever.
  • Point them toward information, not answers: Help them find what they need to know, whether that’s looking into colleges or checking out different jobs. When they’re feeling overwhelmed, remind them they can break big decisions into smaller pieces that feel more manageable.

Being There No Matter What

The final decision is theirs. Once they decide, your job is to support them completely, even if things don’t go perfectly. Let them know it’s totally normal to make mistakes and that you’ll be right there to help them figure things out.

When you say—and really mean—”I trust you to make good choices, and I’ll be here for you no matter what,” you’re giving them something powerful. You’re helping them become stronger and building a relationship that will last. By guiding instead of controlling, you’re setting them up to make smart decisions on their own for the rest of their lives.

Need more support? Give us a call at 414-475-1246 or 800-762-8063, or email us at info@coalitionforcyf.org.

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