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This week, as we begin a new year, one of our team members shares a story about her own parenting journey and forgiveness.
“One fateful morning in 2012, I made the impromptu decision to surprise my neurodivergent twelve-year-old son with a trip to Dollywood for spring break. I also invited a friend, who was a nervous first-time mom with a newborn, to join us for the 700-mile road trip. What could go wrong?
“Fast forward to day three. My friend wanted to ride the notorious Lightning Rod® roller coaster, which boasts an uphill lift (and drop) of more than 20 stories. I held the baby who had been crying nonstop since we left Wisconsin. Much to my surprise, my son insisted on going on the roller coaster with her, despite his sensory issues (which I didn’t yet fully understand). He didn’t want her to be scared riding alone.
“After an hour in the hot sun, they finally got on the ride. A few minutes later, I heard my son screaming hysterically at the top of his voice, ‘I almost died! I almost died!’ He got off the ride in a full-blown panic attack, and it seemed the entire amusement park stopped to watch.
“It was then that I did everything wrong. I tried ‘talking’ him into calming down. I told him to stop yelling. I told him he did not ‘almost die.’ Finally, I told him to ‘knock it off!’ I did everything but what he needed me to do–to hug him, comfort him, validate his feelings (and sensory experience), and help him feel safe in his own body again through my own regulation.
“I obsessed over the Dollywood incident for years. After a decade of my apologizing, he said we needed to talk. But he didn’t say, ‘knock it off!’
“Instead, he said, ‘We’ve both made mistakes. And we’re going to make more, because we’re human. Let’s make a deal. Let’s agree to forgive past mistakes and give each other pre-emptive forgiveness for the mistakes we’re both going to make in the future … even the ones I won’t tell you about until I’m in my forties when they’ll seem funny in retrospect.’
“As the new year begins, consider offering yourself (and your kids) forgiveness–especially for what you didn’t yet know or understand. Starting the year fresh, without guilt and regret, will free your energy to enjoy one another–and maybe plan an impromptu road trip?”