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If you’re an adoptive parent or caregiver, you’ve probably fielded your share of personal, hurtful, or even rude questions or comments from strangers. This is especially true for transracial families. When caught off guard in the checkout line, it may be instinctive to go into defensive or protective mode and react rather than respond. Our kids are likely facing these intrusive questions or comments as well. They are watching and will learn not only how to respond, but how to feel about themselves, based on our responses.
Being prepared and having age-appropriate conversations ahead of time can help kids feel empowered and set healthy boundaries. What is most important is that they understand their story is theirs to share or not. They don’t owe anyone explanations—nor do you as the parent or caregiver. Below are some suggestions for parents from caregivers and adoptive parents.
- “I counter the questions with, ‘Why do you ask?’ If it was a well-intentioned question, they generally understand it was intrusive and will apologize. If not, they get the hint.”
- “I carry business cards from my adoption agency. I tell them they can learn all about adoption on the website.”
- “We have a great family story, but it’s personal. I’m sure you understand.”
You may choose to either ignore or educate in these situations, generally based on intent. Ultimately, there is no one way to approach, as long as you prioritize protecting your child.
We would love to hear how you handle these situations. Please send your responses to info@coalitionforcyf.org
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